You call that a massage?

I've always liked getting massages. I've had massages since I was in college.

My neck would be so strained from studying and stressing about workload and projects. College was nice, but the work was excessive.

Since then, I've had massages quite frequently. Sometimes I'd go weekly. Other times years have passed between massage sessions.

One great discovery was in-home massage. I love not having to go anywhere.

I vacillate between getting upset that i don't leave the house, and getting upset about too much time spent driving.

I know; I'm a mess! But in any case, I've always felt slightly awkward going to the day spa. 

Just something weird about waiting around for my massage. Definitely not a place where I want to talk to others. Kind of like a doctor's office waiting room. 

It would be weird to stat off saying, "So...why are you here today?" Too much information!

So in-home massage did it for me. Not to mention I'm always trying to avoid wasting time, and this definitely accomplishes that goal.

I've tried a few companies. It's been hit or miss, for the most part. Although I will say some experiences have been better than others.

Women's Massage is a difficult subject. I mean, as a woman, you want to finally relax, but there are so many factors that prevent this.

Firstly, the guy therapist thing. Is it OK to get a massage from a man? I'm not married, I don't even have a boyfriend.

I despise creepy men. So that cuts out 90% of male therapists.  I wish I were only joking. But I'm not.

I wish there was a way to meet the therapist first, or send him packing if I got a bad vibe.

It's not like anyone has ever done anything gross. It's just an energetic kind of thing.

Women massage therapists are bad, but in a different way. Most use way too little pressure. I enjoy a deep tissue massage. And most women just glide effortlessly over my skin. After an hour, I feel a little more relaxed, I mean who wouldn't? But my muscle tightness is still there.

In-home massage in New Jersey is not cheap, but it's well worth the price. I mean, I can afford it. So why not?

Going back to the spas is definitely not something I will do anytime soon. I get stressed just thinking about it.

So I guess I can just request a man or a woman? Can I request a man who is not creepy? Or would that be some sort of faux-pas?

I've had good, deep tissue massages from larger women. Would it seem weird to request a big girl? Ask what size pants the therapist wears?

The more I think about it, the more I realize it's not going to happen. I try getting the same therapist again if I've found someone that is especially helpful.

But in-home massage apparently is a job with a high turnover rate. Massage in general seems to be as well. 

I once had a great massage therapist named Greta, and after six months, she was gone. Where? Accounting at KPMG. Wouldn't you know.

I had another girl named Shaquanna. After three months, no more. Why? She opened up her own spa in Newark. I'm not racist, otherwise I wouldn't want a black LMT, but Newark is a bit too raw for me. My uncle had his car robbed there. And the last time I was in that city, it took  an hour finding a space. And again, there's the weirdness of the spa, all over again. 

So, what am I supposed to do? Can I find a solution without making the mobile massage company hang up on me?

Maybe I should just ask if the therapist can deliver a lot of power. "Is she a powerful woman?" I might ask. But that sounds a little too strange.